Hey Friends!!
Hope you are well. Above is a postcard I just made for my shop for the coming seasons. It made me so happy that I just added it here to share with you.
Anyways September is almost over. I loved September because the weather finally cooled down (Thank you, God!!) It was cloudy last week and I love cloudy weather. So much less pressure!
Speaking of love, I love everything that Rebecca Green makes and I read a while ago in her blog that she makes her self-portrait every year. So as a big fan, I tried to make my family portraits this year. I made many versions and here are some of my favorites. It’s kind of fitting because I have been thinking about self-image and how we actually look at ourselves.
(First version: Acryalic Gouache: trying to be realistic but not too much)
So it all started after I talked to a friend who recently returned from Pakistan. She mentioned a mutual friend, a beautiful woman who we both knew and admired growing up.
My friend tells me that during her recent visit, she got to see, this woman, now in her 80s who is still full of life and as beautiful as ever. During the visit, this woman complained to my friend that her new diet was not working and she felt she had gained weight lately. She complains further that she has always felt big and has been on a diet of some kind almost all her life. This diet however is really not working and she is stressed about what she should do to look better. My friend mentioned this piece of conversation in humor and admiration for this woman’s will to still continue dieting,and to wanna look good even in her eighties.
(Second version family portait: Tombow pens, trying to have fun, but not too much=)
I had the complete opposite reaction. I was so depressed to hear this. This beautiful woman whom we all admired for so many years, was never satisfied with her body. She has spent this many years trying to change her body instead of being grateful for it and accepting its flaws.
I think in a way I saw myself in her. I understood where she was coming from. Our culture has ingrained the standards of beauty and youth in our brains and no one is above it. I constantly feel frustrated with the way I am aging but this does not stop there. I also bring this way of thinking in my art.
And then it dawn on me, that more than any anti-aging cream I need to create my second voice. My super loud counter-voice. That tells me that I am enough, I am lucky to be alive with my aging body and I am lucky to be able to pursue art even if it is not looking perfect!
I realized my loud counter voice will help me change my intentions for showing up. When I walk in the morning to see the flowers, hear the birds, I enjoy the hour so much more then when I go with the thoughts like Gosh I need to lose weight, Let do this. There is this negative energy attached to the walk and no matter how many flowers I see I don’t seem to enjoy the walk.
Similarly I can not create any thing with the negative energy that I am not a good artist, I did not go to art school and I am not enough. Anything I make shows that energy. I just need to create that counter voice that tell me again and again that Sumayya you are so luky to be doing this.. Enjoy playing.
I guess this is not a new revelation. I grew up with this notion as a muslim, that the intentions of an action are more important than the actual action. But what I realized is that to create a correct intention I need to work on my counter voice.
Third version: Trying not to be realistic. Playing and letting my hand do what it feels like
So thats it folks. I recently read this beautiful quote from Jeff Tweedy’s Newsletter, with title Simon & Garfunkel’s America :
“When our two sons were going to Hebrew school, preparing for their Bar Mitzvahs, one of them asked the Rabbi, “What if I’m not sure that I believe in god?” To which the Rabbi replied, “It’s unimportant that you believe in god. What matters is that you search for god, look for the sacred, and learn to recognize what is holy.” And with those simple words, my kids were not only liberated from their fear of trying to maintain a lifelong devotion to a single, abstract, static “belief,” but they were also given permission to put their faith into their own actions and efforts to be kind. Free to marvel at the strangeness of it all and stand unafraid of their “not-knowing.” To focus on the undeniable beauty as it unfolds in front of them. To watch and wait for wisdom.”
Hope you have a wonderful October. I will see you soon.
xoxo
Sumayya
So much to think about here! I love your family portraits in all the different versions! And ugh, beauty standards, and aging, and self-doubt. And great quote from Tweedy! I love Wilco.
This quote is incredible and I love the different versions of the family portraits - so fun!