I have been thinking about friendships lately. What they mean to us and how they sustain us on good days, and especially on bad days. In the last two years, like many, I lost quite a few friends over my stance on Gaza. Some who kept justifying what Israel was doing, and others who didn't care enough and wanted me to shut this ‘woke nonsense’ up. Many of them I had known for a long time. It was tough. I felt betrayed, I was angry, and heartbroken. I wanted to stop thinking about them and wanted to stop hoping they would call. They never did!
Last week I went to my best friend’s son's wedding. We have been friends since middle school. After the henna party, my friend, her family, and some close friends were sitting around, exhausted before the final clean-up. We sat together, drinking another cup of chai and warm gulab jamun, talking about how long we had known each other. Going through different seasons of each other's lives and now seeing our kids grow up and get married was surreal. We both were so grateful for the love we felt for each other, and to have the support we felt from each other by acknowledging each other’s truth. It has sustained us.
At night, it hit me why I have been mourning the friends I lost. They broke the most sacred rules of friendship to acknowledge your friend’s reality’. To say ‘I see you and I see what you see, I agree this is wrong and I will stand with you! Instead, these friends gaslit me and had no space for my truth. So even though we never ‘officially’ said bye, I just could not continue pretending that we were friends.
New Painting, Acrylic, 24 x 30
Losing had its benefits; like any vacuum, it created space for me to see what kind of friends I wanted to pursue. Once I dared to let go, I was able to create deeper relationships with friends who wanted to learn and unlearn. I was lucky enough to meet new people who were allies, who sought justice for all, and were truly inspiring. It became refreshing to be able to talk about my truth without thinking if I am being too much for them. They understood what I was saying without judging me. I met people who taught me how to be an ally, how to keep being politically active no matter how scary and inconvenient it is. And for that, I am so grateful.
New painting, Acrylic, 30 x 40
This article helped me to understand how to move forward. Hope you are doing well. See you in July
xoxo
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Your art and words are always so powerful. ❤️